


#cat squad

by purpleeyesandbowties



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, I tried my best, i sincerely apologize about the lack of levi in this, morpheus origin story kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4878886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleeyesandbowties/pseuds/purpleeyesandbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for tumblr user itsthewonderfulwizardofodd! she requested Jane, Levi, and Akmazian hanging out and getting into shenanigans, which I took to mean "story of how they got Morpheus"</p>
            </blockquote>





	#cat squad

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about the lack of Levi in this. Since he still can't leave EOS 10, I had to improvise. Takes place during episode 203.

“Would you say that he’s more of a cat person or a dog person?”

“Ryan? Oh, cat person, definitely.”

Akmazian nodded. “I thought so. I know a guy.”

Jane smiled in relief, mentally congratulating herself. One cheered-up, functioning Ryan, coming right up! “Thank god. Okay, let’s go!”

Akmazian raised an eyebrow. “You’re not coming.”

“Why not?”

“It’s going to be dangerous.”

Jane snorted. “Whatever. Ryan is my friend. Besides, I know him better than you. I know what he needs. I’m coming.”

“ _No_ , you’re not.”

“ _Yes_ , I _am_. Or else I’ll tell Ryan about all those photos you have of him in your scrapbooks. I heard you got some lovely shots of his ass.”

“How did you—Levi,” Akmazian said, glaring at the alien in question.

“That’s right,” Jane said smugly. “He couldn’t keep a secret if it would save him from a cold. I have all kinds of interesting stories about you, Mr. Terrorist.”

“Hey,” interjected Levi, but the other two ignored him.

“ _Alleged_ terrorist,” Akmazian growled. “And I don’t like this.”

\--

Two hours later found Jane and Akmazian sitting in semi-awkward silence on the Silent Storm.

“Why is no one talking?” whispered Levi from the earpiece in Jane’s ear. He was still unable to leave the station but insisted on being part of the mission. Akmazian, equipped with an identical earpiece, said, “We’re enjoying the silence of your absence, saucier.”

“Akmazian! You wound me. I thought we were friends!”

“We’re not friends until you pay up for those eggs you owe me.”

Levi started in again, indignant, but Jane cut him off. “Let’s just do this thing, for Ryan, without fighting, and get back as safely as possible. Okay?”

Akmazian watched her leg jiggle up and down nervously.

“You look a little tense, Nurse Johns. Second thoughts about coming along? There’s still time to take you back to EOS 10.”

“Not a chance. Just…give me a minute. To calm down.”

“No problem. My contact is another hour or so away. But I recommend you stay as calm as you can once we meet with him. This is one of my most difficult contacts. He’s paranoid and ruthless and doesn’t care too much for the faint of heart.”

“Really? You had to go to the _super-dangerous_ contact to get a _cat_?”

Akmazian put his feet up on the steering console, apparently unbothered. “Yes, actually. Animal black market is one of the toughest around. Animals are unpredictable, hard to hide, expensive to keep. Only the best can stay in business. Unfortunately, I know the best.”

“Oh, that’s not foreboding at all. Nope. It’ll be a breeze to calm down _now_.”

Akmazian stretched out, dropping his hat over his eyes for a quick nap. “I told you not to come. Wake me up when we get there.”

\--

“What’s going on?” asked Levi through the earpiece. “Somebody tell me! You know I can’t see what’s happening.”

“Well, I can’t either. Why do criminals have to meet in dark, abandoned factories anyway? Why can’t you just meet in a park or something?” griped Jane.

“I’ve met with him in far worse places. Now, hush, both of you. We’re almost there. Remember, keep your mouth shut. Let me do the negotiating. And for god’s sakes, do _not_ try to ‘jane’ him.”

“Aww, you take away all my fun.”

They rounded one last corner in the (dark, smelly, cold) factory and came face-to-face with a quietly bustling center of operations. Dozens of people were rushing from place to place, hauling crates in and out, weighing and recording and packaging items. For how much activity there was, the noise barely got above a murmur. And even that fell away to sudden silence at their arrival. Everyone froze, looking toward the center of the room. There, standing in the middle of a circle of people was a man— obviously Akmazian’s dangerous contact. He smiled, no warmth in it, flicked a hand and the people around him peeled away and vanished into the inner-workings of the factory. Soon, only Jane, Akmazian, and the man were left.

“Akmazian,” the man said in what he apparently thought was a warm, welcoming tone. His voice was slippery and cold. Jane shied away instinctually before remembering what Akmazian had said. She swallowed, squaring her shoulders, and tried not to look as terrified as she felt. The man’s glance swept over her easily, a look of distain on his face.

“Sasha,” Akmazian returned, inclining his head in a nod—or maybe a subtle bow? Jane lowered her head the same amount, just in case. The man approached them, a glint in his eye.

“You know I don’t appreciate unannounced callers, Destroyer.” He paused, eyeing Akmazian. “Though of course, for you I am willing to make… an exception.”

“I’m interested in a product of yours.”

“Of course. I just got a new shipment of Benzatoin  in, much stronger than the Benzatoin 5 you ordered last time.”

“You got that from _him_?” Jane whispered. Akmazian jabbed his elbow into her side.

“Okay, I get it, I’ll shut up now,” she muttered. The man—Sasha—curled his lip.

“Your…friend?” he asked, cold voice becoming frigid. Akmazian shot her a dirty look. To Sasha, he said, “My guest. But never mind her—to business. I’m in the market for an animal companion. Feline.”

Sasha raised his eyebrows, intrigued. “A far cry from your usual, isn’t it?”

He waved a hand, moving toward a corner of the factory floor, not waiting for them to catch up.

“Why do I get the feeling that he hates me?” Jane asked Akmazian quietly.

“He does.”

“Oh, well that’s reassuring. Any reason _why_?”

Akmazian shook his head. “He’s…not fond of strangers. Just stand back and let me handle the negotiations. And remember, if things go sour, our rendezvous point is the Silent Storm.”

Jane nodded nervously. This was way more sketchy than she thought it would be. _You better appreciate this, Ryan,_ she thought.

Sasha stopped in front of a row of cages, throwing off the tarp covering them, and Jane instantly felt a strong urge to free all the animals inside and give them disinfectant baths. And shots. And food. The cages were crowded together, overfull, and grimy. The grungy animals inside huddled together in the back corners, avoiding the light.

Some of the outrage must have shown on her face, because Akmazian muttered, “Easy, easy.”

“Don’t you ‘easy’ me! Look at those poor things!”

“Yes, I know.”

“Can we take them all? Please?”

“So this is your stock?” Akmazian said to Sasha, sounding unimpressed.

 “Animal companions, Classes D through A. Take your pick.”

Akmazian made a show of inspecting the cages. After a few moments, he shook his head. “These creatures aren’t fit to be Class D pets, let alone Class A. My _friend_ and I will be back when you have something worth showing me.”

He turned to go, catching Jane’s hand and pulling her along. Surprised, Jane almost stopped walking, but Akmazian pulled her along. He put his arm snugly around her waist. Before she could say anything, he shook his head imperceptibly and pulled her closer.

  _Oh. Got it._

Jane slung her arm dangerously low on his hips, leaning into him with most of her weight.

“Wait!”

Akmazian smiled for a fleeting moment before settling back into his poker face.

He turned, arm still around Jane. “What?” he said, managing to put in just the right amount of annoyance and nonchalance into the word.

“You always had better taste than my other clients,” Sasha said, regaining his cool composure as quickly as he had lost it. “Let me show you some Class A companions. From my personal collection.”

He showed them to a slightly cleaner, smaller room nearby, filled with large crates. One of the crates was open, lid leaning against the wall. From inside, Sasha scooped up the single cutest kitten Jane had ever seen. It yawned adorably, showing a flash of pink tongue and white teeth.

Akmazian shrugged. “I could get a cat like that anywhere.”

“What in particular are you looking for?”

“It needs to be more grown than that—no time to housebreak it. And well behaved. Easy to groom and self-sufficient. It needs to be willing to initiate physical contact. It’s a comfort pet.”

Jane bit her lip to hide her smile as Akmazian went through the laundry list of Important Cat Qualities. Here they were, bartering with a highly dangerous black market masker…for a kitty cat. Not any cat, but a supremely cuddly kitty cat. A fluffy one, according to Akmazian’s continuing demands in his most serious voice. She muffled a laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

As the two bartered, Jane stepped away so she could see into the crate. Most of the occupants were the same age as the first Sasha had pulled out, rolling around and playing with each other. She was relieved to see that they looked cleaner and more well-fed than the animals they had seen before. One caught her eye, a lanky, just-out-of-kitten-hood calico, sitting in the center of the box and looking attentively at her. He blinked lazily, tail flicking back and forth. She held out her hand, and the cat nosed toward it.

She let the cat chase her fingers for a few moments, enjoying the softness of his fur. The cat jumped readily into her arms when she held them out.

“Hey, Levi,” she whispered. “I found one! He’s really, really cute.”

“What? I want to see it,” Levi’s tinny voice demanded in her ear.

“Hold on…”

Shifting the cat to her other arm, she fished out her comm pad and took a picture. The sound it made echoed strangely through the room.

Akmazian and Sasha froze. Sasha turned slowly. “What….was that?”

“I took a picture? Of the cat?”

His eyes narrowed, dangerous and bright. He whirled to Akmazian, panic in his voice. “You brought a spy in, didn’t you? Distracted me with your ridiculous demands so she could collect evidence. Traitor!”

Akmazian quickly cut in, “No. You know I wouldn’t do that. Her—she’s harmless, a civilian, nobody special. We’ll just leave, alright? No harm done.” His voice was even, calm, soothing, but Sasha wasn’t buying it.

“No,” he said slowly. “I can’t let you go. It’s too risky. She’ll talk.”

“I won’t!” Jane promised frantically. “I won’t tell anyone! I _can’t_ even talk! Right, Akmazian?”

“She’ll keep quiet. You have my word on it.”

“Your word is nothing, Destroyer. Give me something I can trust.”

And as Jane watched, something changed in Akmazian’s posture. He shifted his weight subtly, stepping towards the other man. His voice dropped to a lower pitch, softening. “You can trust me, can’t you, Sasha?”

With the arm that _wasn’t_ suddenly curled around Sasha, Akmazian pointed subtly to the door. Message received, Jane took off, still carrying the cat. She managed to sneak through the once-again busy factory without being spotted and made a break for the Quiet Rain.

Heart thumping wildly, she leaned against the wall to catch her breath. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Levi, Akmazian just _jane’d_ that dude!”

“I know, I heard!” Levi exclaimed. “His technique is truly admirable. Much more effective than yours.”

“Hey!” Jane said, annoyance creeping into her voice. “He got the idea from me!”

“You must admit it was impressive.”

“Yeah, I guess he did okay. I mean the guy was practically crawling all over him the second we walked in. So it’s not all _that_ impressive.”

“I don’t know, I thought it was pretty good,” Akmazian said, suddenly beside her.

“Geez! We need to get you a bell or something,” Jane grumbled.

After a moment, Levi ventured, “Can you send the picture of the cat now?”

\--

Back on EOS 10, Jane and Levi went to deliver Morpheus, newly named after the god of dreams due to the fact that he fell asleep in Jane’s arms on the way out of the factory and refused to wake up for the whole return trip.

“Aren’t you coming with us, Akmazian? I’m sure Dr. Dalias will want to thank you in person,” Levi said, just outside Ryan’s door. To their surprise, Akmazian shook his head, looking downcast.

“No, he…I have other business to take care of.”

“You haven’t talked to him since his father’s funeral, have you? You know he doesn’t blame you. So come with us! Talk to him!” Jane said.

Akmazian just took a step back, returning to the shadows he was so fond of.

“Don’t forget. You promised to put in a good word for me.”

“…Okay. Of course. And…thanks, Akmazian. This means a lot.”

Akmazian nodded, disappearing once again.

Jane shook her head. “Those boys are going to be the death of me,” she mused. “Well, Levi, let’s do this.”   

She knocked on the door. Ryan’s tired, muffled voice said something about poisoned cupcakes.

“What? No, it’s Jane and Levi, open up!”


End file.
